Monday, 14 July 2008
It is unlikely that you would have heard this term used previously but it is almost certain that once you finish reading this you will be able to spot one of these breed of people from afar:
TO be a Brigerian you must:
a) be a snob.
b) have gone to school in Nigeria for at least a year and have an embarrassing childhood picture tagged on facebook to prove it.
c) have schooled in an English Boarding school for at least two years and have a pretty convincing British accent to prove it.
c) at some point in your life pretended to eschew other Nigerians and what they stand for by finding some "alternative" form of expression in either music, fashion, hair styles, film, TV, literature and my personal favourite; art!
d) claim to hate "Nigerian" parties but yet have been to at least two this year alone!
e) go to Nigeria almost every Christmas and hang out exclusively with other Brigerians while you are there; creating a Brigerian microcosm.
f) be able to hang out with both British and Nigerian people comfortably, nevertheless though you will be hard-pressed to admit it, you are MOST comfortable with other like-minded Brigerians.
g) have at least one Brigerian which between you there is beef or a mutual dislike for no apparent reason. Actually that is not quite true the reason you don't like him or her is because they are better Brigerians than you!
h) believe that mixed-race people are the ultimate Brigerians which makes you either intrinsically beef them or suck up to them.
i) feel uncomfortable when you meet or hear about an unknown Brigerian as you think with all confidence that you know every Brigerian that should be known.
j) have seen or modeled in one of those "fashion shows" that claim to be unique but in actuality recycle already well established designs tweaked by using african prints or textures.
A few salient points:
Brigerians are chameleons they are able to quickly adapt into any new surrounding nonetheless at some point their reptilian qualities will be revealed.
Brigerians generally desire the finer things in life and would always choose the path of least resistance. Now the crucial issue to determine is whether the money they spend was meant to ensure that some poor geezer in Ukpo district of Imo State in Eastern Nigeria does not die in a road traffic accident or NOT. Which brings me to my final point.
Before you drink champagne or Grey Goose at the table of a Brigerian be very very sure that you are not by proxy drinking the blood of dead poor people in Nigeria.