Monday, 11 August 2008

Mean Girls ???

The human spirit is dynamic; constantly mutating to reflect changes in influence.

I have mentioned this before, but I feel that it is important to reiterate and expantiate on this point.

People are neither good or evil; they are human. This means thay are capable of both traits subject to environment.

Dependent on our most pertinent flaws, there will be some environments and individuals that bring out the best and others that bring out the worst in us.

Figuring out which is which comes with personal maturity.

There are some friendships that are mutually destructive in the sense that neither of the two parties involved are necessarily bad however, their individual flaws are two sides of the same coin and they feed off each other exacerbating each problem.

In the movie, "MeanGirls" -which is an education in different personality and friendship types perhaps, I shall carry out an in-depth discussion of it one of these days- Regina and Gretchen are an excellent example of this kind of friendship. Regina had a superiority complex and Gretchen had an inferiority complex, the more biting and criticising Regina got to Gretchen the more she tried to please her and that made Regina even more horrid to her.

Underlying both their issues was insecurity manifested in different ways and each was projecting her insecurities on the other. Note that neither of them were necessarily evil people. It was just that their friendship brought out the worst in each other. In another context, for example, in her relationship with her second boyfriend (not the one she cheated on) Regina George could actually be viewed as real and relatively nice.

This is why it is an excercise in futility to make conclusions about an individual's personality solely based on your experiences with them. It is possible that you could have taken a snap-shot of the worst. A picture does not capture the complete reality; it only captures a moment.

Human behaviour is complex; no one deserves a pedestal or to be completely written off.

It is like the story of the blind men of Hindustan who were groping different parts of the elephant and inferring completely different things about its nature. Each's description of the part that they happened upon was right but using that to make a conclusion about the nature of the elephant was wrong and they each went home with an incomplete and consequently, false impression.

It might be useful to cut out friendships that bring out the worst in you at least until you have completely dealt with the underlying flaws. However, in that, it is crucial to remember that just because a friendship is unhelpful to you, does not mean it is deletrious for everyone else.

I am currently going through this pruning process and it is very difficult because I love these friends that I have to let go. However, as in romantic relationships, I have learnt that love is not enough.

The pit-fall in this process is bitterness. I am being very careful not to allow bitterness to creep in because it will nullify all that I desire to achieve. I am trying to take it one step a time however, as a wise friend has highlighted to me, it is more likely to be three steps forward, two steps backwards, but at least I will be making progress :-)

1 comment:

Suesue said...

People are neither good or evil; they are human. This means thay are capable of both traits subject to environment.-----

i think that is very true...i really liked mean girls :-) i think it was an intelligent teen movie. hope that makes sense.